Living for Jesus and taking a stand can cost us everything.
But isn’t Jesus worth it all?
Several years ago, I read about the tragic high school shooting that took place on April 20, 1999, in Columbine, Colorado, United States.
Two senior students, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, killed 12 students and one teacher before taking their own lives. It was a heartbreaking tragedy that shocked the entire nation.
As I explored this incident further, I came across the story of Rachel Joy Scott, the first victim of the shooting.
Rachel was 17 years old when she died. She was a committed Christian who documented her thoughts and faith journey in journals later shared by her family.
Rachel gives her life to Jesus
When Rachel was 12, she visited the church that her aunt and uncle attended and chose to commit herself to Jesus.
The following is an excerpt from her diary which actually was intended to be a part of a book she was writing for teens:
I sorta looked around and then closed my eyes and then raised my hands toward heaven. I don’t remember what I said, but I will never forget the feeling. That night, I gave my life to Jesus. That night, I said yes to God.
But saying yes to God isn’t like turning on a light bulb and making what was once completely dark now completely visible. Saying yes to God is more like saying yes! to an adventure—every day on the journey, you see more, ask more, learn more, and know more. And you just can never tell where God will lead you.
I remember wondering, later, exactly what had I done? Was I going to be weird now? Will my friends think I’m not fun anymore? Will the me on the outside be different from the me on the inside?
I made the decision that night to give my life to God, but that was only the beginning. Knowing what that meant didn’t happen all at once.
The decision I made that night started a chain reaction in my life—and it was the best decision I ever made.
So if you know what it’s like, or if you want to know what it’s like to be a teen and a Christian—to want to live every moment to the fullest and feel what it means to ask God to be in the big middle of it all—then keep reading.
I’ll share some of my questions and doubts, my hopes and dreams, my ups and downs—and what it means to me to be a Christian, a teenager, and, well, just an ordinary girl.
Columbine High School
In the ninth grade, Rachel enrolled in Columbine High School. She was an attentive, above-average student who displayed a flair for music, acting, drama, and debate.
By the age of 17, she displayed a passionate interest in both evangelism and discipleship. She was debating as to whether she should become an actress or a missionary.
Her family said that Rachel had her struggles like any other teenager but loved Jesus. Her diary revealed her commitment to follow Him.
Rachel was open about her faith in Christ and unashamedly witnessed on her school campus about Jesus.
Rachel’s devotion to Jesus did affect her social life. Although popular among her peers, she would occasionally resist efforts to attend certain social events with her friends out of fear that she would succumb to the temptation of drinking alcohol.
In her mid-teens, Rachel had a serious relationship with a boy, but she chose to end it after almost a year of dating.
Rachel became concerned that they were moving too fast and that the relationship might develop physically. She didn’t want to compromise her sexual purity. She didn’t want the relationship to turn her away from who she was called to be.
Furthermore, because of her faith, she was occasionally subjected to mockery by several of her peers. Five of her closest friends had distanced themselves from her because of her increasing commitment to her faith.
On April 20, 1998, Rachel wrote in her diary, “I lost all my friends at school, now that I’ve begun to ‘walk my talk’, they make fun of me. I don’t even know what I have done. I don’t really have to say anything and they turn from me.”
She continues, “I have no more personal friends at school. But you know what? I am not going to apologize for speaking the name of Jesus. I am not going to justify my faith to them, and I am not going to hide the light that God has put into me. If I have to sacrifice everything I will. I will take it. If my friends have to become my enemies for me to be with my best friend Jesus, then that’s fine with me. I always knew being a Christian is having enemies, but I never thought that my ‘friends’ were going to be those enemies.”
Less than a year before the shooting, Rachel had written in her diary, “This is my last year, Lord. I have gotten what I can. Thank you”. Somehow Rachel had a feeling that she was going to die young. She told her friends that she would never have a chance to marry and would not live beyond 20.
Rachel’s last moments
Three weeks before the shooting, she had witnessed to the shooters Eric and Dylan. Eric and Dylan were the odd pair out, and students mostly stayed away from them. But Rachel tried to talk to them and encouraged them to leave their hateful feelings and turn to Jesus.
But they hated her the more and even made homemade videotapes mocking her Christian faith.
On the day of the shooting, Rachel was outside the school building having her lunch. Eric and Dylan entered the school campus and first shot Rachel. They shot her in the leg twice and shot her again in the back. They left but returned seconds later. On noticing that she was still alive, Eric walked over to Rachel and grabbed her by the hair, lifted up her head, and asked her, “Do you still believe in your God?”.
Her response was unflinching and unwavering, ”You know I do”, and that provoked Eric and he responded, “Then go be with him” and shot her in the head.
Craig Scott, Rachel’s brother:
Rachel’s brother Craig Scott, a survivor of the Columbine High School shooting, shares more about his sister:
There was a boy at my school who had a disability and was usually left out of things. One day he was getting picked on and Rachel went up and stood up for him. That boy came up to my family after the shooting and said Rachel didn’t know but I was thinking about taking my own life. She started saying hi to me every day in the hallway at school.
You know a pretty girl saying hi to him and he was socially awkward. She didn’t become his best friend but she took a minute out of her day for him. You never know how far a little bit of kindness can go, you know that little act.
She also wrote in her diary, “I have a purpose. I have a dream. I have a future. And then she ends it with this so it seems.”
She had this feeling that she wasn’t going to live a long life and none of us wanted to hear her talk that way. But she just had this feeling that God was going to use her to impact a lot of people, but that she wasn’t going to be around very long.
She also wrote that she was seeing the hurt in our world, people are crying, losing their minds, people are dying, taking their lives. Will anyone save them, will anyone help, will somebody listen, or am I all by myself?
About a half hour before she was killed, she drew a picture of her eyes shedding 13 tears that touched a rose and turned to blood drops. There were 13 victims that day. The rose is growing out of a Columbine plant and is connected to a verse from the Bible that says, “Greater love has no man than this, that a man would lay his life down for his friends.”
She showed her teacher this drawing at the very end of the class. Her teacher said, “What is it?”. And she said it’s my tears. I’m crying. The teacher said wow Rachel it’s beautiful and then she said Rachel looked at her and said, “I’m gonna have an impact on the world.”
Dana Scott, Rachel’s sister:
Like most young Christians, Rachel for the most part enjoyed keeping her prayer life in a private, personal, intimate kind of way. But there were many times at church and youth service where I saw her praying aloud with her other Christian friends. Sometimes they would pray in small circles while holding hands and other times, it was laying hands on individuals and lifting them up in prayer.
She prayed many times on her knees, hands on her face, head down. It was like she was imagining the world had disappeared and it was just her and God, and they were sharing their hearts, and she would tell him all her secrets, and he would listen and whisper in her ear how much he loved her, often bringing tears to her eyes.
Rachel liked to pray in her room while listening to her favorite Christian songs, usually turning up the music loud enough to drown out her own voice. I saw her do this several times. I remember a few times when she and I prayed aloud together on our way to youth group in the car. It was almost always prayer concerning our own family. Some of her thankful prayers were very often boldly expressed at youth group and church. Jumping up and down when excited—raising her arms to God—was not uncommon for Rachel. Sometimes she would find her own little corner while other times, she would stand right at the front of the stage.
More from Rachel’s diary
Here are some more excerpts from Rachel’s diary that I have put in a random order:
Rachel wrote addressing God, “I want you to use me to reach the unreached.” The diary was in her backpack the day she was shot.
“God is going to use me to reach the young people, I don’t know how, I don’t know when.”
My life as a Christian is hard sometimes. Making the right choices is hard sometimes. Taking the time to pray is hard sometimes. Knowing what’s right and what’s wrong is hard sometimes. And, well, I wanted you to know that it could be that way for you, too, but following God is worth it—no matter how hard it can be.
“I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go.”
Go after God. Whatever it takes, do it. And don’t give the excuse, “I am just a teenager” or “I’ll do that when I grow up,” because it doesn’t work that way. God wants to know you NOW.
I usually sign my name Rachel Joy. That’s because I like the word joy. It’s one of those words that doesn’t get worn out, doesn’t sound corny. I like having Joy for my middle name because I feel like my parents gave me an instruction manual for living by giving me that name—but I don’t think they did it on purpose. Here’s my very own personalized acronym, my instruction manual:
j jesus
o others
y yourself
The first two are easy (well, most of the time). It’s that last one that gets me in trouble. But that’s what I want to tell you about—myself. I hope in telling my story you will see something of your own story in a new way. And I hope by telling my story, you will hear another story in a new way— the story of what it means to live for Christ.
Everyone always thinks that once you accept Jesus into your heart, everything will be smooth sailing after that. You hardly ever hear about the next day and the next and the next. At least I didn’t. Well, let me tell you, everything does not get easy after that, and happily ever after happens only in fairy tales. Accepting Jesus into my heart made a big difference for me, but it did not make everything easier. Not for me, anyway.
For me, being a Christian is hard sometimes, and I believe it’s especially hard while you’re a teen because if you take that “What Would Jesus Do?” question seriously, being a Christian means you have to do the hard thing. Like being honest, or forgiving, or kind, or choosing not to do some of the things your friends are doing. At least that’s the way it’s been for me.
Don’t let your character change color with your environment. Find out who you are and let it stay its true color.
I know that I will always be faced with temptation, but because I love you, I obey you, and I will follow you.
I wanted to know God like I’d never wanted to before. Knowing God became more important to me than almost anything. I started thinking about God a lot, like almost all the time.
But if it’s hard sometimes, how do I get through the hard part? What does it mean to follow God?
To me, it means (first of all), having a relationship with God. Just like you would with your best friend. But what does that mean, like how do you get a relationship with someone you can’t see, hear, or touch?
I’ll start by telling you what I did. As you already know, I grew up knowing God exists. A lot of people think that’s enough. Trust me, IT’S NOT. Acknowledging God is not the same as having a relationship. So many people don’t realize that you can talk to God just as you talk to anyone else. You can make God smile. You can make God laugh. You can make God cry. To have a relationship with God, all you have to do is talk to him.
Being a Christian just gives me a different way of dealing with terrible, lousy, rotten, no-good, very bad days. When I feel lousy, I tell God. When I feel confused, I tell God. When I feel hurt, betrayed, depressed, lonely—any of that bad stuff—I tell God. I write it out.
Well, when it comes to having a relationship with God, I could sit here and tell you what to do and what to say and how to pray, but where will that get you if you just sit there? So I’m not going to go off on what you should and should not do. Best thing I can tell you is, go after God. Trust me . . . well, better yet . . . trust God. Christianity is not a label, but a lifestyle, something that has to be lived from the inside out. I hope you let God in. I hope you start talking to God—doesn’t matter what about. And hey, if there’s anything I know that I wish you knew, it’s this: God is present in the darkness even when it doesn’t feel that way.
I have my ups and downs and I fall a few times but I don’t give up because God’s reward is worth it all. I challenge you to listen and see what God will do. Take a risk, chance it, and trust in God. You will see what God can do with a willing heart.
Sometimes I felt like there were two of me. The “outside” me that everybody could see and thought was upbeat, funny, and smart. And the “inside” me—the me that only God and I knew. I think I understand why Adam and Eve wanted to run and hide from God when they were in the Garden of Eden. Sometimes I wished I could, too. Only the one I wanted to hide from was me.
I started smoking and went to some parties my parents would definitely not have approved of and before I knew it. I was back to that feeling of two different “me’s” inside. The one I wanted to be and the one I felt like I really was—and the two “me’s” were having a major tug-of-war in the battleground of my emotions. The cigarettes, the sneaking around, the lying to my sister, the trying to be two people at once—it all started feeling ugly and yucky—and I was all torn up inside.
Other kids I know experiment with doing drugs or having sex or drinking, and all of that can have much more serious consequences, but smoking was a big deal for me—because I knew my parents would be disappointed in me. I knew it was against the law. I knew the behavior that went along with smoking wouldn’t exactly be “pleasing” to God. I just flat knew it wasn’t right.
But you know what? God is stronger than smokes or dope or beer or anything else we can get into. I don’t think God wastes anything—not our good choices and not our bad ones. I don’t think any sin or dumb choice or mess-up or anything is bigger than God’s love and forgiveness. I think Jesus was right there with me when I’d go out in the parking lot behind the Subway where I worked. Jesus was right there with me when I stood by my car in the freezing cold, shivering, my hands so cold I could hardly feel the cigarette in my fingers, stomping my feet to try to stay warm—just for a smoke! I think God would watch me, sigh, and say out loud to the angels, “Rachel Joy Scott, don’t you know I’ve got something better for you than this?!?”
Well, when I started taking God more seriously, these friends, friends that I thought were forever friends, started to make fun of me. They wouldn’t talk to me in the hall between classes. If I walked up to them at their lockers, they turned their backs toward me. I’d hear them giggling when I walked by. It was so awful! I didn’t have any friends to sit with in the lunchroom. It was like one day we were friends, and the next day I’d been voted out, terminated, persona non grata. I was hurt. Confused. Angry. Embarrassed.
I want to be one who speaks truthfully, no matter what the cost.
I want to be one who acts with tolerance, compassion, and love as my top three guides for any decision I make.
I want to be one who follows my heart and listens for God in the smallest of moments and biggest of choices.
I want to be one who is grace-full and gratitude-filled.
I want to be one who sees in every day what I have and all I’ve been given rather than be blinded by what I don’t have.
I want to be one who trusts that God is enough—and God has made me enough. Good enough, smart enough, strong enough for whatever God calls me to be.
I want to open my arms wide and embrace life in all of its goodness and all of its badness because I believe the good outweighs the bad—for always and ever.
I want to remember to breathe deeply and sing loudly and love passionately and believe absolutely and see fully what’s really important.
And I think I’ll leave the particulars of how and when and where I’m going to be and do all of that to God—I think God is big enough to handle it all.
When Rachel was 13, she wrote:
“These hands belong to Rachel Joy Scott and will someday touch millions of people’s hearts.”
In the back of her diary, she wrote in big, large letters:
“I won’t be labeled as average.”
The Legacy
Her father had said that Rachel aspired to be a missionary and an actress too. Though it seemed to be conflicting and very contrasting desires, in a way her dream was fulfilled.
According to Wikipedia, her funeral was televised throughout the nation and was the most-watched event on CNN up to that point, surpassing even the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales. Millions of people have seen her face on various media. Millions of people have come to know Jesus in her death. Her story has inspired so many to have a closer relationship and walk with God.
Is Jesus the most important person in our lives? When the trials of life arrive and we suffer loss, is Jesus still worthy?
We can never glory in our capacity to love Him back. The spotlight isn’t really on Rachel or on us. Those who know they’re loved best, love best.
For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
— Philippians 1:21
Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.
— Philippians 3:8
A must-read for teens
The Journals of Rachel Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High
Written teen to teen as a first-person narrative, this is not a book about the Columbine shootings – instead, it’s a story of faith, told in Rachel’s own words. The book includes first-person narratives, journal entries, drawings from Rachel’s diary, and notes from her parents and friends at Columbine High School. Additionally, “me pages” (what makes me angry, what I’m afraid of) encourage teens to explore issues central to their lives and faith. Highlighting Rachel’s faith journey from the time she became a Christian, through her joys and doubts, her hopes and dreams, this story is a triumphant testimony that teens will treasure.
Buy on Amazon